Pizza, Pepsi and Pinches
by Linda J
Summary: Gaz thinks it's time that Zim learns to appreciate Earthly cuisine. A mild ZAGR and it's very short. Rated PG mild adult language.
1. Chapter 1

Pizza, Pepsi and Pinches

By Linda J.

Rated PG

Summery: Gaz thinks its time for Zim to appreciate Earthly cuisine. Please note that like my first IZ fic, this is a short story meant to only talk about one main subject plot.

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine; I won't be making any money from this.

CH1

Lunch time at skool was always one of Zim's most dreaded times of the day. He stood there in the lunchroom looking for somewhere quiet to sit but with no luck. He scanned table after table only to see the drones of skool children either point at him, whispering into each other's ear or just pretend not to see him standing there at all. 'Pathetic life forms; they should be so lucky as to have the privilege of sitting next to me.'

Then finally much to his joy he saw Dib's sister Gaz sitting alone at the furthest table in the back. She had already eaten her meal and was busy drawing in her notebook.

'Perfect.' He said to himself and began to proudly strut over to her. He offered her no greeting as he sat down on the opposite side of the table and put his tray in front of him. He then began to just stare at it. Gaz meanwhile continued to doodle away never looking up at him. The two sat there in silence very content with this arrangement. Then out of nowhere Dib slid onto the bench next to Gaz and directly across from Zim.

"Hello Zim!" he taunted his foe. Dib then noticed that Zim wasn't touching his food.

"What's wrong Zim? Does Earth food burn holes in your stomach? Or maybe it just turns into a deadly poison that would kill you on contact!"

"Nonsense," the alien denied. He then looked down at his tray and sneered. "I just care for any of this garbage."

"Oh really?" Dib questioned skeptically. "So, you don't like Salisbury Steak?"

Zim stiffened his posture and defiantly replied. "Hate it!"

"And you don't like carrot sticks?" Dib continued on with the interrogation.

"Not a bit!" the alien insisted.

"How about mash potatoes?" Dib went on.

"Can't stand them," Zim begin to grin seeing how easy it was to keep up this ruse.

"Or your fruit cup?" the flustered Dib stubbornly refused to let the issue go.

"I detest it with every fiber of my being!" Zim was quite sure he would win this game of wits hands down. Dib looked down one more time at Zim's tray.

"Not even your chocolate pudding?" he asked with disbelief.

Zim folded his arms over his chest feeling the joy of victory. "I L-o-o-oathe it!" But suddenly Dib jumped up and pointed an accusing at his foe.

"A-ah! I caught you! See Gaz there IS no chocolate pudding on Zim's try. He doesn't even know what's on the plate in front of him!"

"You brought a sack lunch from home today Dib. For all you know that brown stuff oozing off of his mashed potatoes and Salisbury steak IS chocolate pudding." Gaz mentioned, never looking up from her notebook as she drew on.

"Oh come on! Who puts pudding on mashed potatoes and Salisbury steak?" her brother argued with her.

"Besides Zim never eats his lunch! I've never seen him take so much as a bite of his food. NOT ONE! It's…it's like he's afraid of it or something. See…" Dib suddenly grabbed one of the carrot sticks from Zim's tray and shoved it in the little green guy's face.

"AH-H! Get it away! Get it away!" Zim screamed and drove under the table.

"Leave him alone Dib," Gaz softly growled in an irritated tone.

"Why are you on his side?" Dib gasped in shock.

"I'm not; I just don't want to be on yours."

Dib turned his attention back to Zim. "You don't belong in this world Zim, and the more you insist on acting like an alien the sooner it will be when they figure out you really are one. And on that day I will rejoice! I will sing and laugh and dance and…well you get the idea."

Dib stood up to throw away his trash leaving Gaz and Zim sitting alone at the table once more.

"He's right you know," Gaz chastised the alien as he continued to watch his foe walk over to the trash can and leave the lunchroom. "If you don't start blending in a little better, as dumb as people are around here, eventually they'll start to suspect something."

"Well what do you suggest I do?" Zim jeered in frustration.

Suddenly Gaz wrote something down on the corner of her paper, tore it off and slid it over the table to Zim.

"Meet me here at 5 o'clock. It attracts an older crowd so we don't have to worry about any of our classmates seeing us there." Zim looked down at the small piece of paper to read the address she had written down.

"What will I find here?" he looked up at Gaz and curiously asked. Finally she looked up from her doodling long enough to make eye contact with him.

"The saying goes, "when in Rome do as the Romans do". Well, when on earth you eat pizza!"


	2. Chapter 2

CH2

Zim spent the rest of the day arguing to himself about whether or not he would go through with meeting Gaz after skool. He was still very unsure if what he was doing was the right thing even as he opened the door to the restaurant and walked inside. He found it odd that he would feel a sense of joy when he saw Gaz sitting alone at a booth but quickly brushed it off as nothing to concern himself with. She sat there reading a paperback book, and by all appearances seemed not to notice Zim walk up and sit down across from her. He noticed there was a large pitcher of some dark colored liquid and two glasses, one empty and one full of the same liquid on the table.

"I've already ordered," she commented as she turned the page and continued to read. "Would you like some Pepsi?"

"Um, about this plan of yours," he nervously tapped on the red and white checkered table top. "Perhaps I should try this another time."

"Why? It's going to be just as hard for you to do this later as it is to do it now," she urged putting down her book reaching for the pitcher and pouring some Pepsi into Zim's glass.

"What makes you think this is _hard_ for me?" he defiantly snapped. "I admit I'm not looking forward to tasting anything that comes from this cesspool of a planet, but I suppose one must make great sacrifices in order to prove they're truly worthy of the greatness they possess."

Gaz sighed at his egotistical rants and handed him his glass, now full of sparkling fizzing soda. "Here Napoleon, drink up!"

He took the glass and studied it closely. He eyed the bubbles as they made their way to the top of the glass and popped as they contacted the air. Slowly he brought it to his mouth only to have several of the bubbles explode onto his face, invading his nostrils and even squirting into his eye.

"Will you just drink it!" she ordered him impatiently. He slammed the glass down, spilling some of the soda onto the table and glared at her.

"I will as soon as it stops attacking me!" he snapped sharply but before he could pick up the glass and try again, an elderly woman walked by and stopped in front of their table.

"Oh my!" she gasped in a worried voice. She examined Zim closely, especially at his green colored skin. "My poor boy; you look closer to death than I do!"

Zim huffed offensively. "It's a skin condition I can't do anything about it," he explained.

"Oh you poor precious thing," the old woman cooed. She then reached out for his face and grabbed his cheek. He jerked away from her but not before she managed to give it a good squeeze and a shake.

"Well you be sure to eat all of your dinner tonight young man; apparently you need all the nourishment you can get."

Gaz bit her lips together to keep from laughing at Zim's humiliation as he rubbed his sore cheek for a moment.

"Why did that petrified putrid relic do that to me?" he demanded for an answer.

Gaz shrugged her shoulders. "It's a form of affection. Nothing as significant as a kiss of course, but for someone with S and M issues I guess it's a pretty sweet thing to do."

"Hmmm, good to know," the alien smiled evilly then bravely picked up the glass of Pepsi and raised it to his lips.

"I suppose I should get this over with." Courageously he took a drink and in spite his gag reflex, swallowed the dark liquid in a hard gulp. He held his breath for a moment waiting to feel any sudden changes in his body. When he felt that the danger had passed he exhaled slowly and even relaxed a bit now taking a lengthy drink of Pepsi. But then suddenly he began to notice a swelling in his belly. He looked down at his midsection then back at Gaz in terror.

"What have done to me!" he asked her accusingly. "Did that cowardly brother of yours tell you to do this to me? I'm going to die now! I know it! I…" he felt the swelling grow in the pit of his stomach. "I'm…I'm going to explo…" …then suddenly and without warning, a loud bubble of carbonated gas shot up from his gullet. "…e-a-k-k-de!"

A sudden look of embarrassment and shame came over Zim as he sat back in the booth. "Excuse me," he quietly uttered.

"Pah!" Gaz rolled her eyes. "You call that a belch? How weak,"

She then took a good long gulp of soda herself and allowed the gas bubble to roll up her esophagus and opened her mouth. "E-e-e-a-a-ech!"

"Blah! You humans are so revolting. Only a species as insignificant as yours would find bodily noises worth competing over," Zim sneered disgustedly.

"What competition?" she taunted back. "If that's the best you can do, well there's really NO competition now is there?"

"Do you dare to challenge me? I AM ZIM!" he shouted.

"Yeah, I do. I've heard better burps come from babies -human babies, Zim!" Zim's eyes bulged with furry and defiantly he grabbed his glass taking a huge swig. He waited impatiently for the desired results.

"A-a-a-a-l-ch! Ha-ha! Top that you pathetic human!"

Gaz said nothing; she just took her glass and drank all of it at once. "E-e-e-au-au-au-gh! I think that qualifies," she smugly grinned. Zim fumed and reached for the half full pitcher sitting on the table and began to chug. "Glug, glug, glug"

He drank the whole thing and almost as soon as he put the pitcher down he let out a belch loud enough to shake the windows. "E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-AH-AH-AH-AH-H-H-H-H-H!"

"Touche," she surrendered and sat back in her booth and a very smug Zim sat back as well, completely satisfied with his victory. Just then the pizza arrived.


	3. Chapter 3

CH3

"Alright space boy moment of truth," Gaz reminded him as he looked down at the circular mound earth food with fear and disgust. She took a slice and put it on her plate then she put one on his. He stared at it looking at the puddles of oil resting on top of the melted cheese. He looked up at Gaz who had already begun to rip into her slice and appeared to be enjoying it very much.

"Maybe if you explained what this 'pizza' is made of I can more easily accept putting it into my mouth," Zim speculated.

"Sure;" she said with her mouth half full. The stuff on the bottom is bread, the red stuff in the middle is tomato sauce and there's some spices mixed in. The white stringy stuff is cheese and these things are pepperoni."

"Ah, yes;" he tried to sound positive. Then ever so gingerly he picked up the slice with his finger tips; he raised it to his eyes and held it length wise to get a good look of its insides. He then began examining the triangular object closely.

"This 'bread' you called it," he integrated. "What is it made from?"

Gaz rolled her eyes as she munched on her crust. "Don't you know anything?"

"Well up until this exact moment I had no reason to care what bread was made of!" he sanpped.

"Flour." She told him wryly.

"You mean those smelly things that grow in people's yards?" he wondered suspiciously.

"No its wheat! You know -a grain!" she snapped shortly. "There's some yeast and water in there too."

"And these to-mat-os;" he continued to question. "Where do they come from?"

"The ground," she explained as she grabbed another slice of pizza for herself.

"And these spices you speak of…" he squinted his eyes a bit to see if he could spot any. "Are they dead?"

"Quite." She mocked, wondering what kind of spices he was familiar with if he felt the need to ask if they were dead or not.

"Cheese…" he began to speak his thoughts out loud. "…made from fermented milk, aloud to age and its moisture removed. He then looked back a Gaz. From what animal did the 'milk' come from to make this cheese?"

"Cow I guess and before you ask, the pepperoni comes from pork," she was relieved to think the questioning was finally over. "Now are you gonna eat that or do you want me to find you a cook book?"

Zim took a deep breath and put the tip of the pizza slice to his lips, letting the dough touch his teeth. Slowly he opened his mouth just a crack and nibbled off just a tiny piece.

'It burns!' he screamed in his head, then quickly realized it wasn't burning him; it was just hot from the oven. Courageously he took another tiny bite and then another.

'Not…so bad,' he admitted to himself. Perhaps I have found something enjoyable on this planet after all!'

The more he chewed the more confident he became. In fact he began to practically gobble the pizza up faster than Gaz had ever seen anyone eat pizza before.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" she yelled. "Come up for air once in a while!"

"Air I've had plenty of sense I came to this wretched place," the alien informed her while he took the last slice. "It's nourishment I've been denied."

"How long has it been since you last ate?" she wondered.

Zim thought about her question and seemed to be counting something up in his head as he continued chewing on the pizza.

"Not sure," he admitted. "I lost track of the days after about six months went by."

Gaz's jaw could have hit the floor. "Six months! You went without food for more than six months! Didn't you get hungry?"

"Hungry!" Zim yelled. "I hadn't eaten a damn thing for over six months! I was fricking starving!"

"Well if you were so hungry, why didn't you just eat something?" she wondered.

"I forgot to bring enough Irken food canisters with me before I came here," he explained indignantly.

"And you would rather starve than try something new? Did you really think earth food would be so awful?" Gaz asked curtly. "You're an idiot!"

"I am not an idiot!" the green man proudly defended himself. "I'm…just a picky eater that's all. I always have been. Now are you going to eat your crust?"

"Yes." She replied in a nearly threatening tone. She then quickly picked up the piece of crust that she had left on her plate.

"Very well then," Zim stated gallantly as he began to slide out from his seat. "Now that I've learned not all earth food is atrocious I may start eating once again." Then he looked at Gaz who was finishing up the last of her crust. "Just answer me this, why did you do this for me?"

Gaz smiled slightly. "Well I had two reasons; first, if I were an alien on some planet I would hope someone would help me out even with just the basics. And second," her grin seemed to twist itself into something maniacal. "If you learn to eat earth food then that's one less thing Dib can yammer about."

"Ah, I see," Zim grinned back at her. He was nearly about to thoughtlessly leave without as much as a 'thank you' when I pang of guilt hit him.

'I reallyn should give her something for her trouble. At least to let her know I appreciated this; ah I know,' He reached over to Gaz and grabbed her cheek and gave it a good hearty pinch and a wiggle.

"No need to pinch me back," he smiled boastfully. "You've done enough for me already tonight."

"Maybe a little too much," she considered out loud as she now rubbed her sore cheek as she watched him walk out the door and head back to his creepy home.

-THE END


End file.
